I need to complete my community service before my lawyer will file my motion to see if i can go to germany. ASC only gives me two hours a week. I try setting up more with the newman center and of course, no one gets back to me.
I need a subletter if i'm to go, but i can't give up my place before i know if i am going. i can't sign up for classes before i know if i am going. i can't do shit before that motion is filed, but i need to do it all so soon. i can't get anything together. i can't get any community service.
i can't even get someone to talk to me for my profile piece, so i'm going to fail magazine writing.
i wrote a terrible service story.
no one answers me for anything. i don't have a car, so no way to get to any possible jobs, so i am so fucked. there are jobs, i just have no transportation and all the nearby jobs are taken. i have no hope.
no fucking hope.
no hope for com serv. no hope for a job. no hope for a car. no hope for school. no hope for a profile. no hope for a friend. no hope for anything. I have no one to help me. no one to aid me ingettting a car, job, com serv, profile, going to germany, anything. i am completely alone and told to make the best out of it. everyone else seems to have someone to aid them, but not me. everyone else has someone to get them through the tough times, but i'm just told tough shit. i can't take this anymore. i just want to die sometimes. i just want to run away and escape.
i don't want to be in school or on probation or even trying. I have tried so hard and it's gotten me no where. i am in the same boat as if i had not tried at all, except then i probably wouldn't feel like such an epic failure because if you've given nothing, you haven't lost anything either. i
i've lost my hope. i've lost my motivation. i have nothing really to live for anymore. why have i tried so hard at school just to be shot down? i can't get my damned interview, but i'm sure everyone else will and will write brilliant pieces. i have no car, but even people with way less money and drive then me do. i have no way to be free labor for com serv. i have no job and no prospects. i have no way of going to germany because the courts are pitted against me because i smoked pot.
i hate my life. usually i can find something good, but there is nothing right about me.