Matilda da Midget's Journal|
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|Saturday, March 6th, 2010|
Ich bin auf Deutschland!!!!
Today I went to Basel> I was a bit hung over from last night, but whatev. It was snowy on leaving, but when we got there, it was much sunnier! We went on a treasure hunt. One of our tasks was to take a pic with the ferry man. We said "Can we take a picture with you?" to which he replied *merrily* "Everyone has to take a picture with the ferryman!". He had a rainbow sweater on and when Sean said he liked it, he said "I knitted it myself". We had an awesome group with Claudio, Adel, Elan, Ibuki, Ianna, Grace, Sean, and myself. We won the scavenger hunt!!!
I was upset at how the church (munster) so glorious and beautiful, built for worship (and still used for that) had a gift shop inside. I was offended at least. Then we had lunch at this place and I heard a polka version of "Country Roads" by John Denver (this version was not by him). I got a wurst with brown onion sauce (so good!!) and rosti (also tasty). Then we went and got espressos and chocolate (mmm, swiss chocolate!!!).
Then we went to the munster again and climbed the Martin's Turm. It was so high, but so fun!!! The church was really gorgeous and I was awed and impressed!!
It was an awesome day and Germany is great so far. I have a beer pong tournament tonight at the StuSie bar.I love it here and am having the best time ever!!!!
Having cheese and beer for dinner now. OK, well, that's all I suppose. Tschuss! Current Mood: ecstatic
|Sunday, October 25th, 2009|
|why life is an epic fail
So for two months, I have tried to get a job. I cannot get a single one. Even with federal work study, i can't get hired by anyone. Even when i drop back in, no one will talk to me.
I need to complete my community service before my lawyer will file my motion to see if i can go to germany. ASC only gives me two hours a week. I try setting up more with the newman center and of course, no one gets back to me.
I need a subletter if i'm to go, but i can't give up my place before i know if i am going. i can't sign up for classes before i know if i am going. i can't do shit before that motion is filed, but i need to do it all so soon. i can't get anything together. i can't get any community service.
i can't even get someone to talk to me for my profile piece, so i'm going to fail magazine writing.
i wrote a terrible service story.
no one answers me for anything. i don't have a car, so no way to get to any possible jobs, so i am so fucked. there are jobs, i just have no transportation and all the nearby jobs are taken. i have no hope.
no fucking hope.
no hope for com serv. no hope for a job. no hope for a car. no hope for school. no hope for a profile. no hope for a friend. no hope for anything. I have no one to help me. no one to aid me ingettting a car, job, com serv, profile, going to germany, anything. i am completely alone and told to make the best out of it. everyone else seems to have someone to aid them, but not me. everyone else has someone to get them through the tough times, but i'm just told tough shit. i can't take this anymore. i just want to die sometimes. i just want to run away and escape.
i don't want to be in school or on probation or even trying. I have tried so hard and it's gotten me no where. i am in the same boat as if i had not tried at all, except then i probably wouldn't feel like such an epic failure because if you've given nothing, you haven't lost anything either. i
i've lost my hope. i've lost my motivation. i have nothing really to live for anymore. why have i tried so hard at school just to be shot down? i can't get my damned interview, but i'm sure everyone else will and will write brilliant pieces. i have no car, but even people with way less money and drive then me do. i have no way to be free labor for com serv. i have no job and no prospects. i have no way of going to germany because the courts are pitted against me because i smoked pot.
i hate my life. usually i can find something good, but there is nothing right about me. Current Mood: morose
|Tuesday, May 19th, 2009|
|days gone by
Wow, shit. Hm, fallen out of touch with people; not too cool with that. Got the house to stress about and end of school. I guess it's ok. I just wish things would work out for me for once. Someone sublet, school over, nice times. Eh, we'll see. Current Mood: blah
|Monday, March 23rd, 2009|
|in the hole
i'm so far gone i can't even state it. i guess it all seems ok, but i feel wrecked. it feels like nothing will ever be alright again, like nothing is ok and never will be. i don't have any recourse. there's nothing i can do. i feel so out of control of my life. it's all happening and i can't stop it. i try so hard every day to do the best i can and it amounts to nothing. i feel like a nothing. nothing i do is enough. there's always more. will i ever be ok? am i ever going to fully be alright again? Current Mood: depressed
|Tuesday, March 3rd, 2009|
i feel so sad and stressed. there's the house which is habitually dirty. the homework which is neverending. the people...the static situations. the appointments and applications. the constant keeping up appearances. this isn't me. this isn't what i want. :( Current Mood: lonely
|Monday, February 9th, 2009|
|my name is...
YOUR REAL NAME: Mati
WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (mother & father's middle name) Anne Albert
NASCAR NAME: (first name of your mother's dad, father's dad) Matthew James
STAR WARS NAME: (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first name) Broma
DETECTIVE NAME: (favorite color, favorite animal) Blue Penguin
SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, city where you were born) Caroline Portland
PORN NAME: (1st pet and 1st street you grew up on) Opie Indian Orchard (ok, indian orchard is the THIRD street I lived on, first I remember...it's a shitty pornstar name...)
SUPERHERO NAME: (2nd fav color, fav drink, add "THE" to the beginning) The Green Carbomb!
FLY NAME: (first 2 letters of 1st name, last 3 letters of your last name) Maown
GANGSTA NAME: (fav ice cream flavor, fav cookie) Black Raspberry Chocolate Chip
YOUR RAPPA NAME: (first 3 letters of real name plus izzle) Matizzle
YOUR GOTH NAME: (black, and the name of one of your pets) Black Roxy (Black Oscar, Black Shillo, Black Opie, Black Kelly, Black Linus) Current Mood: cheerful
|Thursday, January 1st, 2009|
|2009 and feeling fine!!!
Whoa, this has been a great time. School's out and I think I did well. I'm going back to Amherst soon to look for work, but Christmas here was great. Got to see all my friends and do crazy shit. Last nite (new year's eve) was wicked fun. There was a blizzard that me and Holly trooped through to get her friend from plymouth. There was weed, beer pong, cards, and most important, my favorite people were there to drink, dance, and cheer in the new year with. Last night was great and I think it kicked off an excellent year with the people I love. Word. And to top it off was breakfast this morning followed by romping. Current Mood: happy
|Tuesday, November 4th, 2008|
I voted for the first time today for BOB BARR! Bet he doesn't win, but I'd rather vote for someone I believe in than the lesser of two pandering idiotic evils.
Hooray! Current Mood: chipper
|Tuesday, October 28th, 2008|
Chelsea's coming thursday. I have finished my first draft german essay. Nonye's happier. I have money and am working. I will finish my halloween costume. Just got to study for a german test wednesday, finish my psych readings, and write my paper for that stupid ethics course. honestly, i feel i haven't learned a thing about journalistic integrity, just that my class is a bunch of androids ready to say whatever gets them a pat on the fucking back. Oh well.
I'm doing good in school, at work, et cetera. HOORAY! this is going to be a super halloween as ultra-violence. anything else? nah, s'all good. Current Mood: chipper
|Wednesday, April 2nd, 2008|
|It's all good...
I'm having a great time. Sicily was bomb!!! I'm working hard but still having fun. Hell yeah ;o Current Mood: amused
|Wednesday, February 13th, 2008|
Peeking out my blinds this morning, I noticed that there was perhaps two inches of snow on the ground. “Damn,” I thought, “class isn’t cancelled.” Although this was a bit upsetting, I figured it would be better than having snow covering the ground for the next week or two. However, after being forced to wade through the deluge outside, trekking through snow embankments seems a lot more appealing.
It’s surprising that we will cancel school if there is more than 6 inches on the ground, but that when there are puddles (more akin to lakes) covering more than half of campus, that are over an inch deep in most places, we are still required to attend. Keep in mind, it’s February. It’s cold. Having students wade across a flooded campus to attend class not only is annoying, but it presents a health risk by lowering core body temperature, making the body more susceptible to illness.
On days like this, I wish there was such a thing as a flood day. Perhaps tomorrow, when the whole mess freezes over, my second wish will come true and we’ll have an ice day.
|Wednesday, December 12th, 2007|
|So, what's up?
This is just fucked up. The Republican Club had a PRO-WAR rally. What the hell? Even if you are republican, you don't have to support the war. As a matter of fact, aren't republicans supposed to be a bit more isolationist, less government interference, etc. Just because Bush says he's a republican doesn't make him one and holding a pro-war rally doesn't make you one either.
Point: brainwashing isn't cool, having your own opinions is. You can be part of a party and not buy into all their propaganda.
I'm a libertarian, but it just struck me as odd that these people are holding pro-war rallies when it should be obvious to anyone with half a brain that the war is destroying US not THEM. Unless you count economic recession, more than half the world hating you, and the government using a war as a reason to rape it's citizens of their constitutional rights as progress.
I'm so fucking disgusted by our government. Maybe I should get some videotapes and then destroy them... Current Mood: aggravated
|Thursday, November 29th, 2007|
|To the first piece, best bong ever, and favorite! (who was taken by the fuzz)
Never did she have a name
But that doesn't matter, it's all the same
The blue and white and green snaked up her sides
Amazingly smooth; dat bitch got me so high
She'd been there from the time I was 16
Through thick and thin, all kinds of controversy
Got her back from the depths of Flem's car
The next day when we had an ounce she was a total star
I cherished her and kept her well
She was my favorite piece and now she's in police evidence room hell
Fuck that shit, those motherfuckers should pay
For taking such a beautiful treasure away
I fucked up and I'm sorry to my lovely bong
I couldn't do much, so I wrote this poem to say "so long"
But I'll always remember her because she stood for so much
So many people and places and drugs and such
A summer of magnificence
And many years since
She did well by me
And was a really good friend
It was sad to see
Her demise in the end Current Mood: nostalgic
|Wednesday, November 7th, 2007|
Hi. So, my printer has decided that it won't register anything from my computer. I don't know why. Same goes for the CD burner. It's real fucking adorable.My mom's pissed because she's positive it's my fault that these aren't working although I have no fucking clue what it is. So, we tried to get this guy with this remote log-in thing to fix it. He forgot his password. Basically, the past two days have been a back and forth of trying to get this log-in thing fixed just so he can fix the actual problems. AHHHHHHHH!
Whatev, hopefully it'll work out. So then had a german test today. Hopefully it went pretty good. I knew the shit, but the test was all "I'm so not what you studied for". It was cute. Really.
But I'm almost caught up with my homework(by caught up, I mean ahead). And I've got a pretty chill new job that will hopefully work out unlike every job up til now.
Yay. I'm 19, I'm doing well in school, finally have a job, prolly be able to buy my fam's x-mas presents, and it's all gonna work out OK. Or at least that's how it looks now. Current Mood: chipper
|Monday, September 17th, 2007|
So, yeah. Last night was great. I kept trying to fall asleep from about 1 to 4, then just gave up. I think I may have gotten some shut eye between 6 and 7. Fucking great. Got a media test today, and I don't know. Should try to find a job.
Also, crushed my own dreams yet again. It's so nice to be fired with the level of consistency I've achieved, at least then you aren't expecting you know, a steady paycheck, or good bosses, just to be canned. And this fiduciary rejection comes along with personal as well.
Se Va. Sometimes the world doesn't work as you want it to, and you have to hope for the best. That's what I've been doing, that's all I can do. Is hope that if I try hard and keep smiling, it'll pay off and the smile will want to be there.
:D Current Mood: contemplative
|Monday, September 3rd, 2007|
Back at school with a computer. Life doesn't suck as much. YAY! Current Mood: amused
|Friday, August 3rd, 2007|
I just don't even know. What the fuck is wrong with the fucking world and everything in it? It's easy to try complacency and say "something good will happen" when you can actually vest a little faith in it, but after a certain point, there's a break. I don't know why, but I doubt anything good will happen. As much as I try to live right and do the right fucking thing, I'm still left with nothing. Fired for bullshit reasons when I have a goal with my money (a goal that will be left unconquered due to firings). Is there some damned curse preventing me from being able to hold a job? I do everything right, try my best, and am rewarded with...nothing. How the fuck is this supposed to be perceived? An egregious error in justice is basically my life now and I'm sick of it. I just want things to change for the better, but that seems like a quixotic dream. If I could, I'd get the hell out of here and away from it all - move somewhere where a fresh start could begin because this whole damned coast is a hole that I can't stop falling into.
Like, how do I deserve this crap? And like anybody else is helpful. People who are far worse than me are rewarded while I feel consistently punished. It's BULLSHIT! All I want is enough cash for a computer, but that won't happen because of the jobs. I have a job now, but it's not enough. Like, why am I getting fired for no reason? WHAT DID I DO???? Why can't I get the things others have? Why am I always getting the shit end of the stick? Why won't my family help pay for the computer (because they are just as down as I am, probably)? WHY WON'T THE WORLD WORK? Current Mood: hopeless
|Tuesday, June 26th, 2007|
|I've been busy
Life has been hectic! I applied all over Cape for jobs, got two not so hot ones, and am still looking! AHHH! Other than that, I got bit by a dog, my dog bit someone else, I got a free car, then it died...not much else though. Oh, and I got straight A's at UMass ;o. Oh yeah, by the way, call me, you know who you are, sorry we haven't talked in a bit. PEACE Current Mood: content
|Monday, April 30th, 2007|
Sunday was sick! I went to Six Flags for the 1st time and went on soooo many cool rides! The roller coasters, the flip-you-upsidedowners, the water rides, et cetera. But, today I woke up after sleeping for like...12 hours...feeling like absolute shit (sore throat, pain in the left side of my chest,sore muscles). It's gotten a bit better, but my throat still hurts and my chest hurts a bit too still (I think the chest got bruised while on a roller coaster). So, I went from smoking at least 6 cigarettes a day to smoking absolutely none today and perhaps none til I feel entirely better, at which point I'll re-evaluate if I still feel like being a smoker. I had an arbitrary quitting deadline of 27, but, now I think I may quit except for when I'm drunk. I don't know though, I'm still working in stressful environments and attending college and a lot of my friends are smokers (yes, I smoke very much socially- for the social aspect). I don't know, I don't want to announce that I've quit and then start again, but I'm going to see how it feels. I didn't really miss them much today except for a few spare cravings that quickly subsided, so I suppose that's good!
Other than that, it's been typical. Got work, got school (til the 24th of may). Should be exhilerating. Current Mood: contemplative
|Tuesday, April 24th, 2007|
|Coming to an end.
I'm signing up for classes today for next fall. The year is coming to a close and I must say, it was pretty fun up here. I've got a lot of work to do in this last month, but I'm not really apprehensive. I've made awesome new friends and found new appreciation for all of my old friends. It's been quite a good time. Oh well, time to do things like books reports and such...not quite time for poking smot. Current Mood: content